What One Weekend Taught Me About Trust, Driving, and Finally Shutting Off My Overthinking Brain
Not because of some mistake in the pits.
Not because I missed a driver’s meeting.
But because I was spinning out....over and over.
And not just spinning, I was struggling.
The event before this one threw everything at me: a track I hadn’t driven,
speeds I wasn’t prepared for, a car that felt unfamiliar underneath me, and
worst of all, I didn’t have my husband there for support.
Every lap felt like I was white-knuckling my way through
chaos. I wasn’t trusting the car, and I sure as hell wasn’t trusting myself. I
was second-guessing everything — my throttle, my line, my clutch kicks, my
ability to even be there. The mental noise was deafening.
Eventually, the event leads came up to me and said:
“We can’t trust you on track right now.”
And with that, they peeled my B-group sticker right off the
windshield.
I felt humiliated. I cried the whole drive home. I genuinely believed my
application to the next big show would be denied...and honestly, I thought I
deserved it.
But then… the email came.
I was accepted.
🏁 I Almost Didn’t Go
Even with the acceptance, my confidence was shredded.
Was it a fluke? Did they overlook something?
What if I showed up and embarrassed myself again?
But I forced myself to pack the car. I told myself I’d show
up different with better preparation, a calmer mindset, and most importantly,
with my husband by my side.
He’s always been my rock in this sport...coaching, spotting,
hyping me up, giving advice in exactly the way I need to hear it. We loaded up
Zoe and hit the road.
And right before we lined up for our first tandem lap
together, he turned to me and said:
“You need to be so close that you can’t see my license
plate. And even then, you’re probably still too far away.”
Something about that sentence flipped a switch in my brain.
💨 Initiating Beside
Someone Changes the Game
That weekend, I ran my first real tandems.
Not pity runs. Not baby chase laps where the lead driver pulls away. Real
tandems. close, committed, aggressive, high-speed runs right next to someone
else.
And not just any someone but my husband.
The trust was already there. He knows my driving, I know his. I knew he
wouldn’t throw anything wild at me I couldn’t handle. So I stopped hesitating.
I initiated when he did.
I focused on putting my front tire right on his door.
I stopped trying to drive “right” and just started driving.
And what happened next was something I never expected.
🧠 I Found Complete
Silence
My mind… shut off.
I know that probably doesn’t sound like a big deal to some
people.
But if you’re anything like me...an overthinker, a perfectionist, someone
constantly questioning whether they belong... then you know what a miracle that
is.
In tandem, there wasn’t room to think.
No mental space for self-doubt. No time to spiral.
Just pure instinct.
It was 30 to 50 seconds of complete, beautiful silence in my
brain...over and over again.
I wasn’t even aware of it until after the run ended and I realized:
“I just drove that whole lap and didn’t think once. I was just… there.”
It’s the first thing I’ve ever done that lets me feel
completely present.
It’s not just therapy. It’s transcendence.
 |
| Tire mark on Zoe |
With my brain finally out of the way, something amazing
started happening:
I began doing things I didn’t even realize I was capable of.
All weekend, I unlocked new skills... things I had struggled
with for months.
Entries that used to terrify me? I threw the car into them like I’d been doing
it for years.
Transitions I used to mistime? They flowed naturally.
Car placement? Suddenly dialed.
Even better my husband and I started driving tight.
Like, actually tight.
On one lap, he was so close behind me that he made contact...soft, but enough to leave a tire mark on my car. I was so proud. I know
some people might freak out at contact, but in drifting? That’s a badge of
honor. It meant I was finally where I needed to be.
Another lap, he pulled off a clean pass mid-drift. We
flipped who was leading and who was following in the middle of the track. It
was perfection. And we did it without saying a word. Just driving.
It felt like choreography. Like trust manifesting in tire
smoke.
💑 A Bonding Experience I
Never Expected
I never thought this sport... this wild, chaotic,
tire-shredding sport...would bring me closer to my husband.
But it has.
We don’t just wrench together now. We drive
together. We challenge each other, hype each other up, celebrate each other’s
wins, and help each other shake off the losses.
There’s something incredibly intimate about drifting with
someone you love. You put your car, your safety, and your trust on the line and you do it side by side.
This weekend gave me something I’ll never forget:
Proof that I can drive.
Proof that I can trust myself.
Proof that I belong.
🧡 I’m Proud of Me
I left that weekend with more than just a bunch of tire dust
on my bumper.
I left with pride.
Pride that I didn’t quit.
Pride that I drove through the fear.
Pride that I could shut off the noise in my head long enough to do something
really damn impressive.
I’m not done growing. Not even close.
But I am a driver.
And now? I believe it, too.
🏁 Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever been demoted, discouraged, or doubted. I see
you.
If you’re spiraling in your own head, wondering if you
belong in the pits or on the track... I’ve been there.
But trust me:
You don’t need to be fearless.
You just need to keep showing up.
Let the track teach you.
Let the spins humble you.
Let the silence find you and when it does, chase it.
Because one day, you’ll look back at your own reflection and realize:
You’re already doing the thing you once thought you couldn’t
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